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Tuesday 20 September 2011

Research - Vice Student Guide

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A brief insight... 

ACADEMIC SUCCESS
Don’t worry so much. A 2:1 is the most common grade. Nobody gets firsts except weird brainiacs or Chinese people. This looks great on graduation day but understand that straight A students have endured years of overbearing parents, endless maths tests and “educational toys” for Christmas presents. For the men, when they get to 32 they spend thousands on rare Stars Wars figures because they never had them when they were young. The women? It usually manifests itself in a huge dildo collection, prostitution, madness, suicide or becoming a sexually voracious, piss drinking slattern. Good six-month-girlfriend material if you can handle the suicide attempts.
DEBT
Hahahaha. This is why I never went to university. Even if you’re thriftier than a person who recycles their own toilet paper you can expect to be in AT LEAST £20,000 worth of solid gold debt by the time you graduate. If you can get your parents to pay your rent you’ll still be in about £10,000 of debt. Unless you’re a millionaire and can afford to have that debt hanging over you for about 40 years, ask yourself this question: is that three year course in 3-D Digital Design really worth the effort? What are you going to be qualified for? Being an intern at a computer games magazine while all your friends who fucked their A-levels up are making £25,000 a year selling mobile phones?


JOBS
Unless you’re a leech with rich misguided parents, you have to get a job at college. It keeps you in touch with the real world outside of student life and gives you a sense of perspective in between the all-night wine drinking and three hour lectures about social media trend predicting. FACT: if you have a job, internship or work experience while at university, the chances of you getting a job when you leave are quadrupled.
KNOWLEDGE
The pursuit of this is the main reason you’re at university. Just a reminder. Like we said before, it’s costing you at least £20,000.
TATTOOS
Go nuts. Traditional is always best though. No Chinese tummy tattoos for girls. No logo of any band unless it’s Crass, Eyehategod, Black Flag, Misfits or Motorhead. Bands like that designed their logos so they’d look good as tattoos. No graffiti tattoos. No mystic symbols. A red devil on the arse of a drunken 35-year-old swinger mum of three is a million times better than getting an AK-47 on your leg because you’re trying to divert attention away from the fact that you’re the biggest fucking dweeb in the world.

The comical and informative approach of 'Vice' makes the articles such an interesting read, we think this is because they are stories Students can relate too. As a group we've took this into account, and plan to develop this style in our information.

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